"it always gets worse before it gets better"

2006

So if you know me well, you know that my biggest frustration for the past 8 years has been "my face." I first went to a dermatologist when I was 12. At that time, I only had weird little bumps and redness. He said it was a strange rash and would eventually turn into acne. He was right; it did. When I went back to see him, he put on these huge, weird-looking binoculars and said, "Hmm. Let's try _____. Oh and remember 'it always gets worse, before it gets better!'" So I'd try it, it'd get worse, and then nothing! So I'd go back and he'd want to try something else. Don't get me wrong, it was pretty awful but in my mind it was only temporary.

2009

But I shortly found out, I was wrong. All through junior high, high school, and even my first year of college it was there. And the problem is: It got worse and never got better. My first year at Cedarville, it was by far the worst it had ever been. I was meeting new people and all I could think about was, "This is their first impression of me. How could they not judge this book by it's cover?" I tried so hard to find out what was making it worse... "the nasty CU water I washed my face with every night, my fabric softener, and lots of other things." I eventually discovered that it was stress-induced. I had started my first year of college, I was trying to make new friends, I was leaving everything else behind,  I needed to find the $ to even be there, I broke up with my first boyfriend, my mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I wanted to make good grades. Let's just say there was a lot on my mind and because I was deeply stressed, my face was at it's worst. Despite all of that, my year was fantastic. My face slowly got a little better, but still not what I would call "normal."

After moving home, my mom tried so hard to convince me to go to a new dermatologist. I refused. I knew they hadn't done anything for me in the past and all I was doing was wasting my parent's money on medicine that didn't work. But after much convincing, I finally went. I didn't have a good attitude about it, and walking in, I knew what I had tried and what I didn't want to try. But the doctor was amazing. He told me I was beautiful, and he knew the perfect thing. He eased all my doubts and told me I would have an acne-free face when we were done. I followed through with it and can't even tell you how happy I am. 

2011

What he made me realize though was: I was beautiful all along. The doctor never said, "You'll be beautiful when this is all done." He told me on my first visit, "You're beautiful Brandi." He was reassuring what God had been telling me the whole time. I was beautiful and precious in His sight, with or without acne.

Song of Solomon 4:7

You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

1 Samuel 16:7

The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.

Looking back, I realize it was one of those things that I tried to pretend didn't exist. But in the "quiet corners" of my room, I knew it did and I knew everyone else saw it. It effected who I was. I remember praying saying, "Please Lord, just clear my face up. Make me beautiful." And I would become angry sometimes thinking about it: "He won't answer my prayers so He really must not want me to be pretty." But that was the lesson I needed to learn. I was perfect in His sight and didn't need a clear face to be beautiful. It only took me 8 years to learn it ;) Thank you Lord for showing me my own beauty in who You are.